Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Time is of the Essence

First of all, as an update: I just got back from volunteering and I just love it. I highly recommend it to anyone who has an extra couple of hours here and there and the compassion to share in a world that really needs it. As for the gym….that has been a failure for the past week as I’ve struggled with sleep but I was going pretty good and intend to start back tomorrow. Anyway….

While I don’t at all think that I am a love advice columnist, I happen to be having these conversations with my friends lately, and feel like writing about them! Today, my wonderful, beautiful, charismatic friend called me in tears- expressing her frustration with her and her great new boyfriend’s lack of time together. She called me, because giiiirl I can relate! She is in the wonderful stage of a new relationship, when two people realize that they just may have found THE one, and I am so happy for her. The catch is, they live about one hour from each other, so they pretty much only get to see each other on weekends. How funny- Matt and I live 2 minutes from each other, and find ourselves in the same situation. Life these days is just so fast-paced for many of us. I’m not sure in which generation the simple life became so complicated, but we all have so many commitments and responsibilities that take up so much of our time in our young lives. Hence, I think a lot of young, unmarried couples can attest to the issue of not seeing each other as much as they’d like to. Here’s why I think such a situation can be a blessing in disguise:

In relationships, what doesn’t kill you can make you stronger. I know a lot of couples, and Matthew and I started this way ourselves, that when they realize how much they love each other, they can’t get enough. Literally, they create this unhealthy co-dependence by spending every waking free moment in each other’s presence. So then…if the other person does something to upset you, the smallest thing can feel like the end of the world, because what else do you have? You do everything with that person…you find all of your joy and comfort in their presence. And when you feel less than great- who do you think will bear the burden? Not healthy.

Now, when you spend all of your time with this other person who isn’t yet your spouse, what happens to you? What about all of those things you want to accomplish for yourself, especially before you get married so that you have more to bring to the table? When do you take care of those things? Not only do I refer to careers, fitness, hobbies, tasks…etc, but I also mean emotional stability, security, and maturity. These things require growth and often some independence. Especially in today’s day and age when we go from one relationship to another (see previous blog…you like that?!) we need sufficient time to assess and reevaluate our wants and non-wants before diving back into the realm.

Being faced with this involuntary divide will force you to take your relationship slow, to give it the time it deserves to progress into the healthy and mature relationship that you want. I believe rushing is so much more dangerous than being forced to be patient. Yes, it is hard and I still struggle with it in my own relationship from time to time, because I want to see my man, darn it! But I know what he is doing is for the good of our future, and same goes for me. I also know that we have built a solid foundation…and it won’t be this way forever. I am sure that when it’s over, it will all be so worth the wait.

2 comments:

  1. Love you. You have a gentle way of describing this silver lining that just happens to be so cruel at times. Yes, lets build a strong foundation and stand with strength, whether the distance between us and our loved ones are minutes or miles. The best example is that of friends that you don't see as often as you like; yet of course, always, they're in your heart. Sometimes I guess you need to shed a couple tears to lift the weight of missing that person. Or you just need a really great friend to call. Either way, you breathe, I breathe, we move forward. Thanks El, you rock.

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  2. Wow, amazingly written! ;)I think the key to my relationship has been that we've always had our own lives and friends. I love being with T but it's definitely comforting to know that I have amazing girlfriends as well!! And I think it's soo true, distance makes the heart grow fonder; the future will be that much more exciting, new and fun! Definitely worth the wait! xoxo

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