This is my story.

I spent majority of my life up until a few years ago finding ways to disprove that God existed, trying to apply logic to the whole concept. People do this all the time. Questions…why would so many bad things happen if God was real? Why can’t I just live my life trying to be a good person? There are so many “religious” people who are terrible…etc. etc. I still don’t understand those things. But here’s the catch- I don’t think anyone will ever understand those things. Here’s what I do understand and it came to me one day, at my lowest of all lows, when I was sobbing at home by myself, for the zillionth day in a row. I was lost, confused, alone, burdened, ashamed…so many things and I couldn’t find a way out of the dark. And there, on my knees, I suddenly realized there was no way to look but up. All of a sudden, I yearned to know Jesus, my savior, and feel His love. I knew it’s what I needed. I knew He was going to be right there, where he’d always been, patiently waiting for me to open my arms to Him. I will never forget that day. It saved me.

Now, while I still can’t understand the concept of our Creator (logically speaking), I also can’t fathom the concept of NO creator at all. What else would be our purpose of living?? Why else do we inherently seek love and good things? How else can you explain the way some things work out so incredibly beautifully? Science is amazing and yet it all has to start somewhere too, doesn’t it? Knowing my own weakness, how else can I explain finding the will to go on during times where there’s no way I can rely on myself?

One of the main changes that has occurred in my life since coming to faith has been the way I deal with hardship. It’s so much more unbearable trying to go through things on your own, trying to find a solution, trying to find a way out. But we are so flawed- it’s true- and our knowledge is so limited. Now, I know that as long as I look to God, as long as I seek Him and TRUST Him- I will get through it. He will shine His light upon me and show me the way. Brit Nicole has a song with lyrics that really resonate with me. It’s called All This Time:

I remember the moment
I remember the pain
I was only a girl
But I grew up that day
Tears were falling
I know You saw me

Hiding there in my bedroom
So alone
I was doing my best
Trying to be strong
No one to turn to
That's when I met You

All this time
From the first tear cry
To today's sunrise
And every single moment between
You were there
You were always there
It was You and I
You've been walking with me all this time

Ever since that day
It's been clear to me
That no matter what comes
You will never leave
I know You're for me
And You're restoring

Every heartache and failure
Every broken dream
You're the God who sees
The God who rescued me
This is my story
This is my story

I hear these people asking me
How do I know what I believe?
Well I'm not the same me
And I saw the proof I need
I felt Love I felt Your grace
You stole my heart that day

You've been walkin with me all this time