Start today.

The power of writing...........I think Anna Nalick wrote it well in her song, Breathe, when she said:

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

The older I get, the more I see the value in having a release. And honestly, not just one...but different forms.  For me, I have many: exercise, talking to my friends, reading, praying and most recently- writing.   I've blogged about this before, but so often we try to go through life and figure things out by ourselves, all alone.  And the older I get I also am understanding how silly of a concept this can be- is it our pride that thinks that we who got ourselves into the messes we find ourselves in are the same ones who can find ourselves out? Maybe sometimes.  But I seriously think that more often than not, we cheat ourselves when we do it that way!

Part of the beauty of being human is the relationships and common experiences that we can share with each other and grow with each other through.  I thank GOD for my friends who when even if I think there's no way on Earth anyone can possibly understand me, can listen to me spill my heart out and say "I UNDERSTAND".  How much better those words can make us feel. Fellowship has a purpose.  Exercise let's us release the chemicals our bodies and minds need to properly function.  Reading let's us find refuge in someone else's words that so often seem as if they are our own, or offer a new perspective.  And writing....this one for me takes the most effort.  For me it serves several purposes.  It helps me to process my thoughts better than if they are left jumbled up in my head. And sometimes, it's my way to pray!  Sometimes I just can't find the words...or my mind is too distracted and I'll literally just go off on a completely irrelevant tangent and interrupt my prayer.  But when I write it down, it's like I'm writing to Him...and also openly sending a message to the one who is trying to bring me down. Yes, I realize that sounds extreme, but that's just how I believe it is.  When we get it all out, I think there is such an opportunity for healing. 

Please keep demonstrating the courage that it takes to swim upstream in a world that prefers putting away for retirement to putting pen to paper, that chooses practicality over poetry, that values you more for going to the gym than going to the deepest places in your soul...
And if, for whatever reason, you’ve stopped– stopped believing in your voice, stopped fighting to find the time–start today.

- Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines

This is my story.

I spent majority of my life up until a few years ago finding ways to disprove that God existed, trying to apply logic to the whole concept. People do this all the time. Questions…why would so many bad things happen if God was real? Why can’t I just live my life trying to be a good person? There are so many “religious” people who are terrible…etc. etc. I still don’t understand those things. But here’s the catch- I don’t think anyone will ever understand those things. Here’s what I do understand and it came to me one day, at my lowest of all lows, when I was sobbing at home by myself, for the zillionth day in a row. I was lost, confused, alone, burdened, ashamed…so many things and I couldn’t find a way out of the dark. And there, on my knees, I suddenly realized there was no way to look but up. All of a sudden, I yearned to know Jesus, my savior, and feel His love. I knew it’s what I needed. I knew He was going to be right there, where he’d always been, patiently waiting for me to open my arms to Him. I will never forget that day. It saved me.

Now, while I still can’t understand the concept of our Creator (logically speaking), I also can’t fathom the concept of NO creator at all. What else would be our purpose of living?? Why else do we inherently seek love and good things? How else can you explain the way some things work out so incredibly beautifully? Science is amazing and yet it all has to start somewhere too, doesn’t it? Knowing my own weakness, how else can I explain finding the will to go on during times where there’s no way I can rely on myself?

One of the main changes that has occurred in my life since coming to faith has been the way I deal with hardship. It’s so much more unbearable trying to go through things on your own, trying to find a solution, trying to find a way out. But we are so flawed- it’s true- and our knowledge is so limited. Now, I know that as long as I look to God, as long as I seek Him and TRUST Him- I will get through it. He will shine His light upon me and show me the way. Brit Nicole has a song with lyrics that really resonate with me. It’s called All This Time:

I remember the moment
I remember the pain
I was only a girl
But I grew up that day
Tears were falling
I know You saw me

Hiding there in my bedroom
So alone
I was doing my best
Trying to be strong
No one to turn to
That's when I met You

All this time
From the first tear cry
To today's sunrise
And every single moment between
You were there
You were always there
It was You and I
You've been walking with me all this time

Ever since that day
It's been clear to me
That no matter what comes
You will never leave
I know You're for me
And You're restoring

Every heartache and failure
Every broken dream
You're the God who sees
The God who rescued me
This is my story
This is my story

I hear these people asking me
How do I know what I believe?
Well I'm not the same me
And I saw the proof I need
I felt Love I felt Your grace
You stole my heart that day

You've been walkin with me all this time

TIMING.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Yesterday, my friend said something to me about those moments that you look back on and the wisdom of God’s perfect timing is SO obvious. You can see how He allowed for certain opportunities, or didn’t allow for certain opportunities, and now you realize why it was so necessary.

I think especially in this generation, we tend to rush things. We want everything now. How have we become so impatient?? I know I’m guilty of it. Instant gratification…instant success…even though I know it’s not always going to result in the fulfillment I seek. We can’t forget that just because something hasn’t happened in our lives doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t ever happen. Maybe it won’t ever happen. But maybe we are entering a new phase in life and everything that has happened to us up until this point has been in preparation for what is ahead.

"Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD! (Psalm 27:14)

OH what a challenge this is!! We must trust in it know that God will reveal His truths to those who wait upon Him, so long as we seek it.

You are my hiding place.

This morning I’m once again thinking about Psalm 31. To me, what it makes me think about, is that through our suffering or circumstances we need to not feel alone and without rescue, instead we should choose to rest on God’s promises and character, and trust that things will end up in a way that is just and good. In a different Psalm (Psalm 71), the writer is in serious danger and while he is terrified that his enemies are plotting to kill him, he praises God. “But I will keep on hoping for you to help me; I will praise you more and more. I will tell everyone about your righteousness. All day long I will proclaim your saving power, for I am overwhelmed by how much you have done for me. I will praise your mighty deeds, O Sovereign LORD. I will tell everyone that you alone are just and good.”


That is faith. Do we trust him and even praise him in all times? Back to Psalm 31.

1 O Lord, I have come to you for protection;
don’t let me be disgraced.
Save me, for you do what is right.

We need to make sure our intentions are always to look to him for answers…….

2 Turn your ear to listen to me;
rescue me quickly.
Be my rock of protection,
a fortress where I will be safe.
3 You are my rock and my fortress. For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger.

God can protect us from anything- so when we do get harmed or endangered, we must trust that his rescue is coming in a different way or form.

4 Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me,
for I find protection in you alone.
5 I entrust my spirit into your hand.
Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God.

It’s a long Psalm, so I won’t continue, haha. But verses 15 and 24 says something so important that I think everyone can use reminders of:

15 My future is in Your hands.
…
24 So be strong and courageous,
all you who put your hope in the Lord!

My friend once pointed out that harder challenges are a sign of the strength you have as a person.  He also pointed out that it's important to remember that this promise is NOT a promise to our safety or really anything on this Earth.  We just have to remember that when thinking about our sufferings or circumstances, we will not be given one we can't overcome. 

Happy Monday.

Happy Friday!

Working in an industry where my heart does not lie has truly tested my perseverance at times as I've struggled to pull it together and have a good attitude.  And now that the countdown is on (82 days until we leave), it's really hard to not let myself be a total LOSER at work! However, I must be reminded that there is still work to be done, and not just in my day to day duties here, but for a greater good. A coworker has the Serenity prayer on his door and I think about it a lot…

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

I go through ups and downs in the work place and beyond, struggling to not worry about “temporary troubles”, things that feel meaningless or stressful even if I tell myself I have no reason to complain, or worse so over my head that I have no idea how I’ll get through them. But I’m starting to really grasp the fact that adversity prepares us for what God has ahead. Corinthians 2 4:17 tells us that our troubles won’t last forever:

"For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!"

What this tells me is that in faith, I am going to accept these truths, and trust that it will all make sense in eternity, where I’ve been promised an incredible outcome, one beyond anything we can fathom. I won’t always be able to understand why things are the way they are, but I need to have FAITH, and continue to seek the Lord in all I do, even if I can’t see what He is doing…

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Corinthians 4:18

How amazing is it, that by grace we've been promised eternity with Him?? In faith we go....

The Way We Go

Given that this entire trip truly is a massive leap of faith, it's definitely led to a lot of prayer, leaning heavily on God and each other and truly seeking to walk in His ways.  This is a moment in our marriage that we've honestly been waiting for.  It's truly a dream come true.  Not only do we get to spend a month (at least) serving Him and His people, but we get to travel the world together.  If there's ever going to be a time in our lives where we will bond, experience, grow....this will be a huge one.  It's a time where we have the opportunity to grow closer to God, and closer in our marriage.  As a Christian, I have to be honest with myself and recognize that this is also a time where Satan will work extra hard us.  Scary but true.  And I think recognizing that is so incredibly important, because we need to be extra careful, not getting overly in our heads, not listening to the lies, not being led astray by our temptations....this is the way he works.  And we cannot let him win.

Part of this effort has resulted in extra fellowship. Fellowship is something I (Elham) so dearly cherish.  It puts the truth out there, and takes it out of our heads, where we can quickly let it accumulate in weight and burden.  But then we speak to others who can understand, who can lead us back to God's word, who can PRAY for us....how powerful is that?? So not only do I plan to write about our travels, but also our spiritual journey.  I've been sending out devotionals at work to some coworkers, which has been such a blessing.  This is one of them:

I have to admit that there are definite moments where I have felt fear and questioned the decision [to leave for 6 months], but more often than not, especially after spending time with Carrie and For One Another, I cannot wait to take the opportunity that I have right in front of me….I really want to be humbled and to be drawn closer to God. To see those who have SO MUCH less than me but have probably such more solid faith. And on top of that, to be able to give love to people and kids that for some reason I can’t understand don’t get enough. But you’re right in that if they realize that all they need is faith in God and they will have everything. We so don’t understand that here, in our comfortable bubbles!

In C.S. Lewis's book, "A Grief Observed" [thank you Laura] he writes about facing challenges and the faith it produces after the death of his wife. He describes his faith as a house of cards.

"I already knew that these things, and worse, happened daily. I would have said that I had taken them into account. I had been warned - I warned myself - not to reckon on worldly happiness. We were even promised sufferings. They were part of the programme. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accepted it. I've got nothing that I had bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination. Yes; but should it, for a sane man, make quite such a difference as this? No. And it wouldn't for a man whose faith had been real faith and whose concern for others people's sorrows had been real concern. The case is too plain. If my house has collapsed at one blow, that is because it was a house of cards... It has been an imaginary faith playing with innocuous counters labeled 'Illness,' 'Pain,' 'Death,' and 'Loneliness.' I thought I had trusted the rope until it mattered to me whether it would bear me. Now it matters, and I find I didn't... And you will never discover how serious it was until the stakes are raised horribly high, until you find that you are not playing for counters or for sixpences but for every penny you have in the world. Nothing less will shake a man...out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover himself."

Sometimes I wonder if I know the true depths of my faith. And I am reminded constantly how much I need to FOCUS on my faith being set on Christ and nothing else in this world will get me through the challenges of life except for Him. I’m really hoping this experience will draw us nearer to Him, and hopefullywe can also draw others nearer to Him as well.

Jeremiah 29:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.”

The part that is the most important to me is “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”  We so often do not TRULY seek him…and all He asks is that we open our hearts to Him, which is something we claim to believe in. Yet so often wetry to go through the through process ourselves, or get so caught up in our heads and that's when I realize, wow- I haven’t prayed about this nearly as much as I’ve talked about it, or just thought about it. I haven’t actually asked God to help me surrender this into His hands…..