Control.

Sent this e-mail today and felt it may be appropriate to share on the blog.

I have to admit, that since I left PERS and my daily routine, I've really fallen out of sync with God.  I've tried to figure this out and I think part of is it just that in all of the running around, I've been left feeling tired and pushed God off of my priority list. But also, it's been a huge time of change for me...and I think like most people, change leaves me feeling more vulnerable than I realize.  And in times of vulnerability, we can and should turn to God, but I think my underlying fear is actually causing me to push away.  I had this realization today and I am trying to move past it.   One thing I know I need for my spiritual well-being is in my relationships. Fellowship is so powerful for me, so I ask this of you- my friends and family in Christ, that you continue to share in this walk with me. I would love to keep the fellowship going, no matter where on this Earth I may be.  

Isaiah 31:18

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;

he rises to show you compassion.

For the Lord is a God of justice.

Blessed are all who wait for him!"

What does this say to me? A few things, but what is screaming at me right now is to let go of my need to be in control.  My lack of control over my life right now, in the way that I am used to at least (a set schedule, time for my routines, set hours...etc.) has me feeling a bit overwhelmed.  But you know what? I never had that control in the first place.  I know that.  But I suppose when my normal is all of a sudden gone....I've found myself in a place where I lack the spirituality that I need.  I think my attachment to that perceived control has led me to this place where I feel spiritually burnt out all of a sudden but maybe a different way to look at it is that it's a wake up call.  I need to lay aside my endless efforts and busy care and allow HIM to act.  Salvation comes from God and God alone.   We can trust him and be in peace, be confident, that HE will give us strength to face our challenges.