Whirlwind.

Emotional. Overload.

That is my current state.  In good ways, in less comfortable ways.....This is becoming so REAL.  In 52 days we will be on a flight to Ecuador.  And we will leave our home, our jobs, our "stuff", our friends and our families behind....WHAT?

Over the past few days the realization of how blessed I am with incredible people in my life sank in.  After so many years of lacking in this area, I am surrounded with amazing friends who are not only there for me, but love me for who I am and inspire me regularly- I mean REALLY inspire me.  I am blessed with an extremely secure job at the investment office but even more so at the gym where I am allowed to be a part of the lives of some of the most beautiful women on Earth (of that I am convinced).  Our family is here...The list goes on.

Matt and I live a very comfortable life with more than we need and have been able to do some incredible things with the blessings we've been provided.  And we are leaving it behind.  Yeah, it may be temporary, but maybe not.....and I can't help but feel afraid that I will be missing out on so much...that people will move on and forget me...that we will isolate ourselves....

And then there are days like today, which I've spent most of in front of the computer while sipping on coffee and researching the places we will be exploring. Reaching out for sponsors for the water filters that we will be delivering first hand to people who will be so thankful for something I take for granted regularly.    Deciding between a getaway on the Galapagos Islands or beaches of Peru or Costa Rica....narrowing down apartments in Munich and Berlin where we will be for the holidays....realizing that by the age of 28, we will have seen SO MUCH of the world! I want to meet people who live a completely different life than me but who I'll connect with as a human. I want to immerse myself into cultures which make me feel exhilaratingly out of my comfort zone and better for it.  I want to eat authentic cuisine, walk hundred of foreign miles, stand in places where history was made.... Be free of "stuff" and rich with experience and growth...trust and patience....

Joshua 1:9 reminds me:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Trust.

At Sunday’s sermon, Pastor MacDiarmid said something that really resonated with me.


He was about to sing a song written by a Kendall Payne ("Pray") who heard a man’s account of meeting Mother Theresa. This man had decided that he wanted to dedicate his life to serving others, like she had. He just didn’t’ know what he was supposed to do. So he was able to meet Mother Theresa, and he said to her, “Mother Theresa, will you pray for me?”. She said, “Of course, what do you want me to pray for?” and he told her the he needs to know what to do with his desire to help others. He asked her, “Can you please pray that God bring me clarity?” . She said, “No, I can’t pray for that” . He was upset and shocked, that after he finally got to meet this remarkable woman, she was turning down the one thing he wanted from her.

When he asked her why, she said, “In all my days of doing this, I’ve never once had a day of clarity. All I’ve had is trust.”

I thought this was just so amazing!! I’ve definitely thought about this in different contexts before, but it really hit me this time. I realize that often, He does in fact provide us an answer, but we still want “clarity” and that is because we are not really trusting what He is showing us or telling us to do…maybe because it’s not what we want, or we think it’s too hard…and we want a different answer. Sometimes deep down inside, we know exactly what He is telling us to do, but our own feelings about it lead us to ignore Him. Asking for clarity is often just our way of asking for what we really want. But what we should seek to do is TRUST in Him…all the time.  If we wait for clarity all the time, can you imagine how much time we'd spend being stagnant??